Sadness and Confused.....

Is time for me to express my feeling again.I wanna meet her,so i pray hard to meet her.At last God respond to me,i really have a chance to "meet" her.

It happened yesterday,usually i will pay attention when she appear,but yesterday i just dunnoe why,i think i am dreaming.She suddenly appeared and we look at each other for a few seconds.Although we look at each others,but u cant recognize me.Actually i am just guessing u cant recognize me cause i looks terrible when i am not smiling ,but i know in deeply in my heart if u really can recognize me,u also wont wave your hand or say hi to me.

These few days,u completely ignore me.I really get confused,why suddenly u will just ignored me,i really cannot get it.I dunnoe why our distance become further and further after the holidays.Did you change?

Maybe i am a totally looser in the game of love.

I am tired.I am tired doing those foolish thing for you,i know in love there should be sacrifice,but i really felt tired.I wonder whether i can still continue or not? Last time,when i wanna give up ,u will at least respond or reply to me,but now i am just getting ignored and ignored and ignored by you.Although i wanna give up,but my heart wont allow me to do so.I will still care about you,although u always ignore me.

Actually i wanna say hi to you when we meet,but after your ignorance these few days,i dun dare to do so.I have no idea what you are thinking.I really scared you will think i am annoying .Looks like we need some time to cool down.

Last hope,dun ignore me,i really care about u.

Foolish people done foolish things.

Wakaka,i have a pair of panda eyes!! Why? Nothing,just doing something foolish . I read all the post she had post on her blog.Last time i tried to read all of her post but ,i give up after i read a few post because i read from the middle of her post and the post she wrote was freaking long,just like writing essay( paiseh,i also write my blog in the same way xp).But last night,i take my initiative to read all of her 09 year post in one night.

I dint read all of it on the pc cause i am only  allow to on my pc until 12.00am.So i copy all of the post and sent it into my phone and i read it in my room alone,clever leh,lol. I know i am stupid and foolish,but what to do,i just care about her and i wanna know more about her.

So,what i know from her post after reading the whole night.Well,i know more about her past,i know some of  her attitude and some of her like and dislike.I dunnoe why she gave many others people a bad image,had she done something horrible in the past? i have no idea,what i know is she still miss her ex-bf which is the one that is the type of guy she love.

 I manage to cover up her this year post this morning,do i looks like a stalker?hmm....maybe a little.I felt that i have nothing that can match to her,.She is a girl that had gone through many things compare to me? I am just a little boy that starting to grow up and understand more,well i admit that i had change a lot since the beginning of the year,but there is still many thing i had to learn.I am too under protected by my parents last two years,and  now i really want to learn what i missed in the past to years.When i was form 1 and 2,what am i doing? i still addicted to pc game,what is she doing? She is trying to learn many things and know what she really needs.Compare to her,i am just a piece of  JUNK!!  

Haiz....besides,i found out that if i am her bf (just if) i cant even give what her ex-bf  can gave her,such as sitting beside her and accompany her when she is sick in her house.Can i do that? the answer is no,i dunnoe i even  dare to step into her house.There is many things more, but i just can't mention it here.The only thing that i can give her in this moment is try to comfort her when she share something out .

But this few week, i think she start to ignore me,i dunnoe, usually we can chat for long time ,but somehow this few weeks, even i say something interesting to make her laugh she will just ignore it.Maybe is something due to what i act a few weeks ago,i though it was nothing after she chat back with me normally but somehow it turns out to be something after a few weeks.

Am i really annoying? i felt that i am,but i dunnoe what she think,at least i know i am a annoying.I wanna stop to care about her for just maybe one or two weeks,but dunnoe why i just will chat to her when i know she feels sad or angry,really dunnoe,maybe i still have difficulties to control my emotion properly.I just cant help it ><.But i found out something that we are similar,that is we dun have much people to trust and talk ,we like to express our feeling in the blog.Blogspot,i love u so much!!

At last,i really hope i will chat to her normally and pls dun ignore me,maybe u just reply a thank or lol or ok lo will be enough for me.I will be your side whenever u need me,i promise u.

Before i forget i wanna introduce one song to u all, 神木与瞳-好想为你哭. This song really nice  but i prefer nt so man voice for this song,just my opinion la,haha.

Remember back many nice memories xD

Haha,two days ago i saw some pic from friends that went to bali for vacation.Those pic really recall back my trip to bali dunnoe how many years ago.==

I remembered many things through the pic they took cause i went before those  places before.I remembered how nice is the scenery when i look down from the temple.I remembered the stupid beach which i ate my sand dinner with the sea water keep rising. I remembered how nice is the scenery when i saw the volcano from another high mountain that is very cool there.I also remembered i ate my lunch beside a lake which is a x active volcano hole.I even can remembered i walked from day to night until i starved like hell and cry in the bus.The most of all i can remembered many others nice time i spend with my family during the vacation.Suddenly wanna upload those old picture to fb but....i looks really fat and silly that time,lol.Maybe i will upload a few which i looks not so ugly.

Haiz,is been a while i din't go for vacation . Sometime i love it cause i can see many nice scenery and have a interesting holidays,but sometime i really hate it cause i always rush like hell when going for a trip.I have been to many places such as Thailand,Hong Kong,Bali and many more,but in my memories there are all blank just like white paper.Until today i have recall some of the bali trip memories from my friend's photo.ty ya ^^

Sometime nice moment must take it down using a camera,because some nice memories only can remember by looking through photo.That all for this post and no hope this time,weired ^^

Not so emo from now on ^^

First, i wanna talk about my feeling.In my last post,i talked about love, well  this post will talk about many things,include what i do in this  one week holidays and love xD.

Ok,let talk about love first,hehe,paiseh >< Well  i really don't like to get ignore,especially from "she".Last time when i get ignored form "she" the whole day( almost ) i will felt sad or maybe emo.But after last Tuesday,when i woke up i suddenly open minded.Don't know,but suddenly i felt that when i am sad,will 'she' know? and we just net friends,anythings that we chat or talk in net are just making fun of each others,or maybe i should say is entertaining each others.When i care about her,sometime she will know,but most of time it just like something that can make her to feel better at that moment ,after that she will forget all about it.Besides that,anything she promised just like jokes,she will not remember about it after a while.Well,i am not blaming "she" for not caring my feeling or "she" is someone that don't keep her promised,i know she is not that kind of person,somehow i believe in her.Well, i know we are just net friends,so she no need to care about a person that not so important to her or a person which she never meet before.How i know?easy, i try to think from her side.If i am her,i will surely react as same as her that is i wont so care about a guy that just know by net,maybe we can just play and chat for sometimes. That is what i think ,but maybe it will just similar to what she think,cause girls are complicated.So from that days onward, i just play with "she" .Don't misunderstood,i am not a play boy, what i mean is all the thing we chat i will make fun of her,just like playing a withe her .Like this,i won't gain or loose anything, i also won't always emo about she.

So,when will the game end? Well very soon,after we become normal friends,of course.At least i need to let her know who am i first lo.So i will try my best !! But now just play first ^^ Although just playing but sometime it will still hurt a bit,nvm  hurt a bit is better than emo for the whole days,i must think more mature now,i am nt still a noob child!!

Wow,talk too much again,but nvm,now talk about the holidays.What i have done? Four thing :Carry out things,wipe,wait dry and carry back in those things.What that? Simple,HOUSEWORKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.Really boring about it,always do the same things,i have been doing these for the whole week,i really sick of it.What to do,my mum can't do so much,so i have to do all the housework for her.Anyway i felt that i have grown up a lot and learned a lot when doing these housework,at least i wont die when i am alone after SPM (hopefully ).Next target is i wanna know how to cook!! Hopefully my mother will teach me,since she never cook for a long time,but she really can cook,i ate before,it is very delicious ^^.

OK last for my hope. I hope i can learn more things in this holidays and i can play with "she" always ^^ and lastly we can be normal firends XD.

All about love .....

As i mention above,this post will all about love.I really like blog sometimes cause it can let me to write out what i am feeling or thinking at this moment,i can shout it out loud without interrupting others people,this is the way i like the most ^^

So, what is love? For me when i am still form 1 to 3, love is something that can make me happy and joyful with the one i like or love.But as i grown up and experienced more,i felt that it is true that love can make someone happy and joyful "IF" the one u love accept and care about u.But somehow this "IF"  seldom happen to me.So at this moment i felt that love is just something that make me torture or even headache.

That is what i think about love so far,so now i will talk about something about me related to this words-love.

Ok,sincerely i only love two girls before,is love not like.They two only have two similarities that is first,they are cute ^^ (maybe i do love cute girls after all, lol)second, they can change my mood and emotions. One of them is someone....nvm no need to mention here la.Another one obviously is the "she" i mentioned in previous posts recently.So maybe i just talk about "she" in this post.

Well,sometimes i really don't know why GOD will let me meet someone that i love but i know there is no hope between us.Why? there is too much reason.Just can't mention it all.So lets talk about "she".I love her,but i don't know how to get close to her,there is just some distance between us.Holidays is coming,well maybe call her for a hanged out since we haven't meet before.Erm,i gt think before but what can i talk to her when we meet? Would she hanged out with her guy which she never meet before? and lastly how should i ask her?

All these questions had lead to one conclusion that is "NO HOPE".Ya ,since the day i know her, i had already say to myself that there is no hope for me,but somehow i just feel sad or disappointed when i am nearly facing the truth that there is no hope for me in these few weeks.

Many things that i want to talk about in this post,but somehow i scared she will view this blog and find out the "she" i am talking about is her and our friendship will just BYE,BYE.Somehow i had experienced before that if the one u love knows u are loving her but she has no interest toward u,there will be a wall forming between u two,trust me,it happened to me.Actually at this moment i just wanna be friends with her,just

normal friends that can care each others by sms and hanged out to watch movies,but it is harder than i though to just have a normal friendship with a girl which has "distance" between us.

I think i just said too much,maybe i should stop here.Every post i wrote will have some hopes at the last of the post.I hope i will have a normal friendship with her and we can hanged out during this holidays plus i will have a nice and happy two weeks holidays ^^