MIss.............

blog !! this is the only place i can bla... out all my feeling.

the exam is approaching and i am still............haiz ,but i still will study everyday in hari raya  la.

Haiz, recently i am having holiday,but this is the first time i don't like holiday,not just because is trial after the holidays but there is another reason. I miss something, something that steal my heart.I know is not right to think about love in this exam period but.......

I really know that how the ending will be,and i know she does not has feeling toward me (maybe got, but i don't know,but mostly no la) but i still willing to care about her. Don't know la,i am just a moron.

i hope she does not feel i am annoying her,but i just miss her.I will jealous about her sometimes and this is the first time i feel jealous for a girl. I don't know,maybe this is love.....

Then i found this song really nice and suite for me hope u all will love it too.That is 會呼吸的痛by Fish Leong .Missing will cause pain when breathing,this is what it mean. And this is very similar to my feeling for the moment.

I hope i can study all my subject before trial and i hope she won't stay away from me><

Live in mist

ok i decide to update my blog since caryne call me to update,lol,kidding. So i begin my exam life again,exam here exam there, there is no much time left for me to do other things

My days fill with ttns,haizz,i really want some time to study but there is no time for me >< the exam is approaching but i am still not ready at all.Sometime i also felt very difficult to cover and remember all the two years chapters.I really feel like blur blur and i really live in the mist ==

One more thing is my account,haiz it really trouble me a lot,i always had a C for account.I must find some way to solve this problem ><

Lastly, i seldom saw she around,and we talk less.maybe there is no time for me to think about other things than study.I also hope she will pass with flying color in her examXD

That all for now,nothing hope,just hope for more time to study and rest ^^

Update my death blog.

I really forget how long i dint post a new post,nvm.

Ok,now i am having my holidays,a great holiday.Since some of my family problems had solve,my parents decided to take me for a  vacation.But......unfortunately  there are no special offer,so i guess i just have to seat at home and relax.Although it sound very boring,but i think it just ok for me because i don't need to rush here and there like i always do,lol.

Hmm.....how long i dint meet her dy? dunnoe ^^ At first i though i will be crazy missing her after the final exam because i wont meet her again next year,maybe...but the chance of meeting her is very low.But it seem that my calculation is wrong,if i am not mistaken i dint saw her once after the pmr exam (actually gt,but just at a far distance).Dunnoe la,i don't miss her like a crazy as i though,not because i dun love her anymore,just i feel a little bit tired.Somehow i don't have the energy like before >< But i still love her ,i love her very much,but i just....maybe i just don't dare to find her anymore.Scared? nope,just maybe gt a little bit tired.

Haiz dunnoe la,but i will find her,i know i will,but just not this moment.I LOVE U!!!! i just can shout here.forgive for my foolishness.

Phew, feels a lot better after saying what i wanna say.haha ^^.Now i am busy playing my piano everyday,just wanna learn how to play without referring to the sheet and prepared for my exam next year ,hope i will success.That all,no hope for now,duwan to hope for anything because i wanna relax for my holiday .XD

Confuse..

Actually i am  having my exam this few weeks and i am not suppose to online,but nvm.

OK,today i had my BC paper 2 and,hmm...no comment,i don't think i done it very well,but at least i know how to do and i am able to finish it in time.thanks GOD.wakaka...

This few days,i look back some of my old picture,one thing i noticed is,i looks slimmer (paiseh) and looks more.....erm good looking (dont dare to use the word handsome XD) Somehow i also realise my personality also have some changes.I begin to care for someone,i begin to feel responsible for something i need to do,i begin to aim something i like and many many more.Is these changes consider being mature? Dunnoe.

Back to topic.Confuse .Yup, i felt confuse.I look through some of her photos,i dunnoe why i felt like she is too mature (maybe her outfits or make up?dunnoe.but her make up was very nice, not like other girls and women that looks like ghost) or maybe i should say i am not suitable for her .I dunnoe what is this feeling about,the photo is just about she and her freinds,dressing very nice....Dunnoe,i am still confusing about it.but one thing i can very sure about it is i wanna let go,let go everything about her.I felt very tired for chasing something that not suitable or i am not capable.But i just cant do it,i miss her.i really do.But what can i do? nothing !! 

Why? even myself can't answer this.Somehow for suddenly i want her to know about this blog,at least she know i am still caring about her.hIaz...Maybe i should study more to forget about her ,at least for this moment.Since the exam had started,i will concentrate more on my study.Maybe after exam,there will be an answer for me and her.

At here,wish u good luck,i know u can do well in your exam if u put some effort on it.Hope u would received my good wishes.And Good luck for myself too ^^

Sadness and Confused.....

Is time for me to express my feeling again.I wanna meet her,so i pray hard to meet her.At last God respond to me,i really have a chance to "meet" her.

It happened yesterday,usually i will pay attention when she appear,but yesterday i just dunnoe why,i think i am dreaming.She suddenly appeared and we look at each other for a few seconds.Although we look at each others,but u cant recognize me.Actually i am just guessing u cant recognize me cause i looks terrible when i am not smiling ,but i know in deeply in my heart if u really can recognize me,u also wont wave your hand or say hi to me.

These few days,u completely ignore me.I really get confused,why suddenly u will just ignored me,i really cannot get it.I dunnoe why our distance become further and further after the holidays.Did you change?

Maybe i am a totally looser in the game of love.

I am tired.I am tired doing those foolish thing for you,i know in love there should be sacrifice,but i really felt tired.I wonder whether i can still continue or not? Last time,when i wanna give up ,u will at least respond or reply to me,but now i am just getting ignored and ignored and ignored by you.Although i wanna give up,but my heart wont allow me to do so.I will still care about you,although u always ignore me.

Actually i wanna say hi to you when we meet,but after your ignorance these few days,i dun dare to do so.I have no idea what you are thinking.I really scared you will think i am annoying .Looks like we need some time to cool down.

Last hope,dun ignore me,i really care about u.

Foolish people done foolish things.

Wakaka,i have a pair of panda eyes!! Why? Nothing,just doing something foolish . I read all the post she had post on her blog.Last time i tried to read all of her post but ,i give up after i read a few post because i read from the middle of her post and the post she wrote was freaking long,just like writing essay( paiseh,i also write my blog in the same way xp).But last night,i take my initiative to read all of her 09 year post in one night.

I dint read all of it on the pc cause i am only  allow to on my pc until 12.00am.So i copy all of the post and sent it into my phone and i read it in my room alone,clever leh,lol. I know i am stupid and foolish,but what to do,i just care about her and i wanna know more about her.

So,what i know from her post after reading the whole night.Well,i know more about her past,i know some of  her attitude and some of her like and dislike.I dunnoe why she gave many others people a bad image,had she done something horrible in the past? i have no idea,what i know is she still miss her ex-bf which is the one that is the type of guy she love.

 I manage to cover up her this year post this morning,do i looks like a stalker?hmm....maybe a little.I felt that i have nothing that can match to her,.She is a girl that had gone through many things compare to me? I am just a little boy that starting to grow up and understand more,well i admit that i had change a lot since the beginning of the year,but there is still many thing i had to learn.I am too under protected by my parents last two years,and  now i really want to learn what i missed in the past to years.When i was form 1 and 2,what am i doing? i still addicted to pc game,what is she doing? She is trying to learn many things and know what she really needs.Compare to her,i am just a piece of  JUNK!!  

Haiz....besides,i found out that if i am her bf (just if) i cant even give what her ex-bf  can gave her,such as sitting beside her and accompany her when she is sick in her house.Can i do that? the answer is no,i dunnoe i even  dare to step into her house.There is many things more, but i just can't mention it here.The only thing that i can give her in this moment is try to comfort her when she share something out .

But this few week, i think she start to ignore me,i dunnoe, usually we can chat for long time ,but somehow this few weeks, even i say something interesting to make her laugh she will just ignore it.Maybe is something due to what i act a few weeks ago,i though it was nothing after she chat back with me normally but somehow it turns out to be something after a few weeks.

Am i really annoying? i felt that i am,but i dunnoe what she think,at least i know i am a annoying.I wanna stop to care about her for just maybe one or two weeks,but dunnoe why i just will chat to her when i know she feels sad or angry,really dunnoe,maybe i still have difficulties to control my emotion properly.I just cant help it ><.But i found out something that we are similar,that is we dun have much people to trust and talk ,we like to express our feeling in the blog.Blogspot,i love u so much!!

At last,i really hope i will chat to her normally and pls dun ignore me,maybe u just reply a thank or lol or ok lo will be enough for me.I will be your side whenever u need me,i promise u.

Before i forget i wanna introduce one song to u all, 神木与瞳-好想为你哭. This song really nice  but i prefer nt so man voice for this song,just my opinion la,haha.

Remember back many nice memories xD

Haha,two days ago i saw some pic from friends that went to bali for vacation.Those pic really recall back my trip to bali dunnoe how many years ago.==

I remembered many things through the pic they took cause i went before those  places before.I remembered how nice is the scenery when i look down from the temple.I remembered the stupid beach which i ate my sand dinner with the sea water keep rising. I remembered how nice is the scenery when i saw the volcano from another high mountain that is very cool there.I also remembered i ate my lunch beside a lake which is a x active volcano hole.I even can remembered i walked from day to night until i starved like hell and cry in the bus.The most of all i can remembered many others nice time i spend with my family during the vacation.Suddenly wanna upload those old picture to fb but....i looks really fat and silly that time,lol.Maybe i will upload a few which i looks not so ugly.

Haiz,is been a while i din't go for vacation . Sometime i love it cause i can see many nice scenery and have a interesting holidays,but sometime i really hate it cause i always rush like hell when going for a trip.I have been to many places such as Thailand,Hong Kong,Bali and many more,but in my memories there are all blank just like white paper.Until today i have recall some of the bali trip memories from my friend's photo.ty ya ^^

Sometime nice moment must take it down using a camera,because some nice memories only can remember by looking through photo.That all for this post and no hope this time,weired ^^